Vignettes – Ms. B. Edition

(Flipping through a Crate and Barrel catalog) “When I grow up my house is only going to have stuff from Crate and Barrel in it. Like this vase, that’s cute. And this couch. That dog’s cute. (It was a real dog used to add ‘interest’ to a picture of outdoor furniture). How much do they want for him? And these wine glasses. Which I will just have to fill with colored water… ‘Cause I can’t afford wine… ‘Cause I spent all my money at Crate and Barrel.”


She informed me at dinner last night that in seven months she can get her learner’s permit. To drive. Gulp. I tried to tell her to stop being such a lying liar, but she made me look it up. And goddamnit if she isn’t right. Heaven help us. Heaven help us all.


Ms. B: “Those are cute jeans.”
Me: “I just got them. I had to get a new pair because you stole my last pair of skinny jeans and I’ve completely given up hope of ever getting them back.”
Ms. B: (clearly plotting) “Hmmm…”
Me: “No, don’t even think about it.”
Ms. B: “How about I give you your old skinny jeans back and you give me those new ones.”
Me: “No. That’s not the way this works. You steal my clothes, I buy myself new ones. It’s trickle down economics, or something.”
Ms. B: “Well, I’m definitely stealing those…Soon.”

(D, by the way, finds all of this ‘exchange’ of clothing to be completely, pull-his-hair-out maddening. Men. They just don’t understand.)


Ms. B: “Mom, who’s funnier, me or D?”
Me: “Hmm…. That’s a tough call.”
Ms. B: (turning to D) “Haha! I’m funnier than you!”
D: “Interesting. Hey, Mom, who’s the better listener?”
Me: “…. Actually, also a tough call.”
Ms. B: “Who has the better legs?”
Me: “I’m gonna go with D on that one. You don’t want me looking at your legs that way.”
Ms. B: “Ick. You’re right. Well, then who has the better hair in the morning?”
D: “Me. No contest. Have you seen yourself in the morning?”

(The next morning)
Ms. B: (standing groggily in front of the mirror while I help her sister brush her teeth. Ms. B. startles and her eyes snap open wide). “Ugh! Um… Yeah, maybe D is right on that whole morning hair thing…”

About Shannon K.

My name is Shannon. I make stuff up.
This entry was posted in Conversations, family, Ms. B.. Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Vignettes – Ms. B. Edition

  1. ames says:

    I love your vignettes.

  2. Judy Hilton says:

    Me, too, ames.

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